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You’re Asking the Wrong People for Career Advice
Stop ignoring the options right in front of you
“Hey, I want to pick your brain about a new opportunity I’m considering. Can you grab a coffee next week?”
My recoil when receiving these emails isn’t because I don’t want to help — I love aiding talented folks find the roles and cultures in which they can thrive! Rather, it’s attributable to my concern they’re asking the wrong people for advice. And this may cause them to make a poor decision.
Here’s what I believe: When considering a specific career path decision or evaluating an offer with a particular company, I’ve found people tend to concentrate mostly on the opinions and inputs of two groups: their friends in similar jobs and the most “successful” people they know within the industry. Seems like a reasonable strategy, right?
It depends.
Industry friends and luminaries tend to tell you what they would do given your situation, but often aren’t able to see the choice and the trade-offs through your eyes. “If I were you…” is the common opening of a response, which says “I’m not thinking about you, I’m reacting based on my own values and interests.” It’s not that these groups are useless conversations but with them I’d focus on two pieces of information: across both groups is there consistency in the recommendations they make and, especially for the latter group, what questions did they tend to ask themselves when making similar decisions?
Pick the right people and it’s like holding a truth mirror up to yourself.
So, who do advice seekers usually undervalue?
- People who know you very deeply regardless of expertise in your specific professional work, and
- individuals who have direct experience with the company, role, and people you’re considering.
The people who know you well are more readily able to actually see the opportunity through your own eyes and challenge (or confirm) your sense of self. I don’t believe they actually need to understand the specifics of the career, they just need to hear you describe it — what’s interesting about it, what concerns you…
